I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
