Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
