meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
