My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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