So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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