Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
