if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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