dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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