HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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