Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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