i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
