Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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