What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
