Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
