dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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