I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
