Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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