theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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