i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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