it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
