separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
