I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
