I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
