I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize