I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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