If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
