I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
