i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
