Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize