you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
