u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
