That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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