I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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