No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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