Define "chronic" masturbator.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
