Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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