Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
