I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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