Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
