My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
