He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
