Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
