he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
