ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize