In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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