if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
