you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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