not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
