508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
