Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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