There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize