the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
