she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
