Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
