i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
