I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
