Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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