Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
