i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
