I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
