so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
