You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
