Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
