Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
