I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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