What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize