we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
