before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
