No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
