found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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