Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
