Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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