I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize