i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
