You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
