do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
